Severn Darden's Metaphysics Lecture This is a transcript of the classic routine

http://groups.google.com/group/rec.music.dementia/browse_thread/thread/86f5c66980d81fa3?pli=1 

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Severn Darden's "Metaphysics Lecture"

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demento fan   View profile    More options Dec 27 2007, 8:02 pm This is a transcript of the classic routine from the earliest days of  Second City. I've edited it very slightly, and in a couple of spots I  had to guess what was said. I'll be (re)posting the mp3 in  alt.binaries.sounds.mp3.comedy shortly.  Intro: And now, ladies and gentlemen, Professor Walter von der  Vogelweide will present "A Short Talk On The Universe."  Darden: Now, why, you will ask me, have I chosen to speak on the  Universe rather than some other topic. Well, it's very simple, heh.  There isn't anything else!  Now, the Universe we examine through what Spinoza has called "the lens  of philosophy". He called it this because he was a lens grinder.  Heaven knows what he would have called it had he been, for example, a  pudding manufacturer.  Now, into three branches is philosophy divided: ethics, esthetics, and  metaphysics. Now, ethics is that branch of philosophy which is neither  esthetics nor metaphysics. Esthe--well, I think you follow.  This evening I have decided to take the jump. Heh heh. Metaphysics.  Now, metaphysics is--what IS everything--ANYHOW? And what's more is  more than what's less--generally.  Now, in the universe we have time, space, motion, and thought. Now,  you will ask me, what is this thing called time? [7 second pause] THAT  is time.  Now, you will ask me, what is space? Now this over here--this is some  space. However, this is not all space. However, when I said that was  time, that was all the time there was anywhere in the universe--at  that time. Now, if you were to take all of the space that there is in  the universe and CRAM it into this little tiny place, this would be  ALL the space there was! Unless of course, some leaked out. Which it  could. And did! Heh. Hence the universe!  Now, the early Egyptian astronomers (there were no late Egyptian  astronomers) looked up at the stars and with these they measured time.  But the Greeks, who were very exact--sometimes to the point of  tediousness--came along with this question: is time the measure of  motion, or conversely, is motion the measure of time?  Viz. I have in my hand a stopwatch--imaginary. And coming through the  room is a railroad train--also imaginary, heh heh. If it was a real  railroad train it would kill us--and besides, it would be very  expensive. Now--I'm timing the train now. Is time the measure of  motion--click--[makes train noise and runs across stage]--click--or  is, conversely, motion--now I'm going to be for you a grandfather's  clock [swings arm]--tick--tock--tick--tock--the measure of time? Now,  with the arrival in the 20th century of Planck's constant and the  theory of quantum mechanics and with Heisenberg's uncertainty  principle--I think--we still don't know.  However, we might very easily turn to the pre-Socratic philosophers  (who were always good for a laugh) for assistance.  Now, take Heraclitus. Dr. Jose Benardete, by the way, has said in his  book "Coming and Becoming", he has quoted Heraclitus incorrectly as  saying that "time was a river which flowed endlessly through the  universe." He didn't say this at all. He said, "time was LIKE a river  which flowed endlessly through the universe." Aha, there you are,  Benardete!  Nonetheless, he discovered this one day, and he went home to his wife,  Helen. That was her name, Helen Heraclitus. That's two H's, like Hugo  Haas--Herman Hesse--Harry Halle[?]--Herbert Hoover--Heinrich Himmler--  oh, that whole crowd, ja.  Anyhow, he went home to his wife, Helen, and he said "Time is like a  river which is flowing endlessly through the universe, and you  couldn't step into the same river twice. Helen."  And she says, "What do you mean by that, Heraclitus? Explain  yourself." That means you could go down to the Mississippi River, for  example, and you could step in, and you could step out, and then you  could step in again. But that river that you stepped in has moved  downstream, you see, it's here.  And you would only be stepping in the  Mississippi River because that's what it's called, you see? Not only  all that water, but if something were on top of the water--for  example, a water bug--if it was there, it would be downstream. Unless,  of course, it was swimming upstream, in which case it would be older  and it would be a different bug.  So, anyhow, Heraclitus went home to his wife with this news, and he  said "Time is like a river which flows endlessly through the universe,  and you couldn't step into the same river twice."  She said, "Don't be an ass, Heraclitus. You could step into the same  river twice--if you walked downstream at the same rate as the river."  He was amazed!  So he went down to the agora, or marketplace, where there were a lot  of unemployed philosophers (which means philosophers who weren't  thinking at that time). And they had a few drinks first and they went  down to the river, and into the river they threw a piece of wood just  to test how fast the river was going. And so Heraclitus saw how fast  the wood was going. So he stepped into the river, and ran and stepped  and ran and stepped and ran, and finally he ran out into the Aegean  Sea and was drowned.  So much for time.  Now we come to another pre-Socratic, Zeno, for time and motion, and  Zeno's Paradox. Now, a paradox is something which when it isn't, it  is, paradoxically. And Zeno's Paradox is that if Achilles, the great  Greek hero and athlete, were to get into a race with a tortoise, that  he couldn't win. Silly, isn't it.  Well, if, for example, the toroise was here and he would give the  tortoise, say, a 10-foot headstart, just to be fair to the beast, and  there would be--it would take, say, Achilles, 1 second to go 1 foot.  So at the end of 9 seconds, he would have one foot to go in one  second, ja? And in a half of a second, he would still have a half of a  foot to go, you see? And in a hundredth of a second he would have a  hundredth of a foot to go. And in a millionth of a second, he would  have a millionth of a foot to go. And since time and space are both  infinitely divisible, he would never pass the turtle! Heh, heh.  But this is ridiculous! Anyone in this room could win a race with a  turtle, you know, and we're not great heroes and athletes. Even for  example, some old, very dignified person, like Bertrand Russell, HE  could win a race with a tortoise. And if he couldn't win it, he could  outsmart it, ja?  Nonetheless, I have discovered possibly the meaning for this paradox.  I was reading recently a book called "Greek Pots In Polish Museums" by  John Davidson Beasley. 8vo, $9.75 and worth every penny of it. Big  wide margins--er, I'm getting off my point. Anyhow, in there is a  picture of a pot that has on it a picture of a ripe [?] archaic  tortoise of the kind that Zeno would have known about. Now, it isn't a  little, flat American tortoise. IT'S A LITTLE BULLET-SHAPED TORTOISE  WITH LONG, SINEWY LEGS, ABOUT 4 FEET LONG, AND IT COULD RUN LIKE  CRAZY!  Now this would seem to explain it, ja? But it doesn't! Because Homer,  who never lied about anything, said that Achilles could, if he wanted  to, beat any man or beast in a foot race. Now what does this mean, "if  he wanted to"? You know how some people can't step on the line in the  sidewalk? Achilles couldn't pass a tortoise! He was a very sick hero!  Now, thought.  For centuries philosophers have told us that thought cannot be seen,  it cannot be heard, cannot be felt, smelled, cannot be tasted. It is  not in the key of G--or F. And it is not blue--nor is it mauve. It is  not a pot of geraniums. It is not a white donkey against a blue sky.  Or a blue donkey against a white sky. Nor does it have aspirations to  become archbishop. It is not a little girl singing an old song.  Thought is not a saffron-robed monk pissing in the snow. In other  words, philosophers can tell you millions of things that thought  isn't, and they can't tell you what it is! And this bugs them!  But you are out there and you're thinking and I'm up here and I think  that you're thinking, and we think, and we think that the sun comes up  in the morning, pouring forth its beautiful bounty of light, and as  Shakespeare said, "What a piece of work is man!"  Are there any questions? Thank you.  I would really like to answer any questions that you might have. Now,  I don't have anyone planted in the audience. Occasionally friends of  mine who are in the audience throw up some hideous thing. They know  the areas in which I am weak! Only in this sense do I have someone  planted. So if you could ask me anything that you might not know about  the universe.  Q: What is the relation between space and time?  What is the relation between space and time? Well, let's see, I  thought I had covered that. Now the relation--well, space, for  example, it is a thing which is occupied by matter. Ja? Whereas time  occupies space, as we all know. Have you ever, for example, had any  time pass when there was no space? I mean, have you ever been no place  for a long time? It couldn't happen! It could, theoretically, of  course. But I mean, even with a lot of equipment it would be  difficult.  Could I have another question?  Q: Do fish think?  Well, that's a very good question, but it's not in the realm of  metaphysics. Now I had a fish once--name was Louise, as a matter of  fact. Small, fat fish. And every day at the same time I would go to  the edge of the pond--a little iron tank in my house--and throw it a  bunch of grapes. You know? Every day at the same time the fish would  be there. After a few days she knew at 1:45, grapes, bam! Fish!  However, I began making it 15 minutes later every day, you see. And  then when I was there at 2 o'clock, she'd be there at 1:45. She was 15  minutes behind. After a while she was hours and days behind! And she  starved to death. Yes, fish think--but not fast enough!  Could I have another question, please?  Q: [German accent, much thicker than Darden's] Professor, what is  truth?  What is...?  Q: Truth.  Truth?  Q: Truth.  Oh, ja. Mm-hm. An accent.  Well, truth is very difficult to explain. It is not merely the  opposite of falsehood. When I say I am here, that is true temporarily,  but it is not always true. And certain truths are immutable. Like for  example, I am not elsewhere, which is just as true here [walks across  stage] as it is over here. You see? I am still not elsewhere. No  matter where I go I can't get away from me! Sort of frightening--that  should be called truth!  Could I have another question?  Q: Will the sun rise tomorrow?  Yes. Next question?  Thank you.

We never think of us as being one of Them. We are always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things. :)

https://www.episcopalcafe.com/the_parable_of_the_whistleblower/

The Parable of the Whistleblower

June 12, 2013 by

Wednesday, June 12, 2013 — Week of Proper 5, Year One

Enmegahbowh, Priest and Missionary, 1902

[Go to http://www.missionstclare.com/english/ for an online version of the Daily Office including today's scripture readings.]

Today's Readings for the Daily Office

(Book of Common Prayer, p. 970)

Psalms 72 (morning) // 119:73-96 (evening)

Deuteronomy 31:30 – 32:14

2 Corinthians 11:21b-33

Luke 19:11-27

Jesus' parable of the nobleman and the three slaves is a subversive one. It is like several others that expose the injustice and exploitation of the rural agrarian economy. It is not easy to interpret, and scholars have various ways of thinking about this story. I prefer to call it the "parable of the whistle-blower."

The nobleman was part of an elite class who owned and controlled most of the property and wealth of the land in Jesus' time. These aristocrats had large holdings and were frequently absent. They functioned through retainers. Jesus calls the retainers "slaves," a sarcastic word in this setting, much like calling the franchise manager for a major retail chain a "slave." In the first century economy, the aristocrats and their retainers controlled about 98% of the annual income.

In Jesus' story, the master gives each slave money to manage during his absence. (My NRSV translates "mina" as "pound." It seems like it is not that much money, $20 perhaps, but a pound represents about three months' wages for a laborer.) Jesus knew (and his hearers knew) that the expectation would be that the slave/retainers would double the master's investment and keep whatever "honest graft" they could accumulate above that amount. Under the laws of Hammurabi the minimum acceptable profit was 100%. Anything less was considered a default. Profits above that could be kept by the retainer. Such high levels of profit can only be accomplished through exploitation. Retainers did the dirty work of the powerful. They were hated by the oppressed peasants whom they exploited.

The two successful slave/retainers do the expected thing. They've squeezed 100% profit for the nobleman. He rewards them. It was a system, like so many others, where the rich indeed grow richer. But the third slave/retainer is the focus of the story. He behaves in an unexpected way. He opts out of the abusive system of exploitation. He takes the money out of circulation. By doing that, he has prevented the power of that money from exploiting the peasants.

His language is very different from the courtesies of the first two ("Lord, YOUR pound has made ten more pounds.") He speaks the truth to the nobleman. "I was afraid of you, because you are a harsh man; you take what you did not deposit, and reap what you did not sow." That's smack talk. It is public insult and shame, if the man could be shamed. He describes the aristocrat as an exploiter who lives off of the productive labor of others. The aristocrat monetizes the wheat others have winnowed. It is a judgment not only on the nobleman, but on the whole system. This slave/retainer is a moral man and an economic whistleblower.

And everyone knows what happens to whistleblowers? The master attacks him. He is banished. His fate is predictable — poverty, misery and certain death. That's the life of a day-laborer. And because of his former status as one who oppressed the peasants, he will be helpless when thrown into their world, vulnerable to their resentment. That's the lesson of the powerful. Threaten power and suffer the consequences.

But what is Jesus' point? It's hard to know exactly, but it may be a way of reframing the economic picture in order to promote more honesty and community. What if such a third slave/retainer had acted in such a way? He's as much a victim of this system of exploitation as the peasants. These hated retainers really are slaves. And what if some of them began to mess with the aristocrats' system? Would the people (the peasants listening to Jesus' story) have compassion? Could they receive the whistleblower into their community with acceptance and forgiveness? The ruling elite are just using the animosity between the retainers and the peasants to control them both. If retainers are to do the right thing, if whistleblowers are going to expose corruption, they will need some support and cover when they receive the inevitable punishment from the powerful.

It's dangerous work to expose the abuse and corruption of the powerful. How will we treat those who have been part of that corruption but then take the risk to bring the truth to light? We know the powerful will attack them? What will the community do?

Seven Health Habits You Can Use to Build Energy and Get More Done Every Day from: https://medium.com/time-dorks

Seven Health Habits You Can Use to Build Energy and Get More Done Every Day

from: https://medium.com/time-dorks/seven-health-habits-you-can-use-to-build-energy-and-get-more-done-every-day-8281cb8bf240

see also: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B078QSCM3V/

<skimming-based highlights from author

by Jake Knapp  (Author), John Zeratsky  (Author)  

Iam writing this on a Friday morning. Last night, I stayed out a little too late. I didn't get enough sleep. I had one too many drinks. I even ate dessert after dinner. The night before, I did the exact same thing. It's not a big deal, but I'm feeling tired and a bit hungover.

Yesterday I decided that my Highlight for Friday would be to draft this post. And as usual, I planned to start right after coffee. But I didn't. When I opened my laptop, I checked my email instead… New tab, start typing "inbox," matched to inbox.google.com. Scroll, click, archive, reply. Next up, Twitter. New tab, type "tw," auto-complete, same drill. Like, like, reply. Then, Facebook. Type "Fac"… Thankfully the stock market wasn't open yet, or I would have repeated the compulsive routine with Google Finance.

When I looked up, 45 minutes had passed. My plan was to work on this post, but instead I took the path of least resistance and dove into the Infinity Pool of online distraction. All because I was a little tired.

Losing those 45 minutes isn't a huge deal, and I'm not beating myself up about it. But it was a good reminder of how small decisions about health are connected to energy, and in turn, affect my ability to make good use of my time. Tactics for productivity and time management can only help so much. Even the best systems for staying distraction-free or focusing on important work can fall apart when you're short on sleep or not eating well.

(Indeed, that's the idea behind the Energize step from my new book Make Time: To find focus and fight distraction, you need energy, and that energy comes from taking care of your body.)

But relying on willpower to make the right decisions all the time doesn't work.So whenever possible, I try to establish habits that make the right decisions the defaults. I want to share some of my daily health habits — simple practices that help me build energy and make time for what matters. I hope you'll consider trying them yourself.

First, a disclaimer: I'm not a doctor or a nutritionist. But I am a real human person who lives and eats and sleeps and exercises every day. Health has become a priority for me in the past five years, and I've tried dozens of techniques and experiments. I've learned a lot from reading Michael Pollan, Darya Rose, Gretchen Reynolds, Mark Sisson — even Mr Money Mustache. Most of the habits below are based in intuition about human evolution, supported by scientific research, and validated by my own experience.

Health is too important to not talk about. I can't write about productivity and time management tips without acknowledging the role of energy in making those tactics possible. After all, we're not machines — we're humans, and our brains need energy, and to energize our brains we must take care of our bodies.

So in advance of Make Time's publication in September, I'm sharing seven daily habits I use to build energy and make time for what matters. Most of these make an appearance in the book, with lots more detail and background.

I don't always do all of these things every day. But these habits provide the energy that make all of the Make Time tactics possible. These are my daily defaults. Here goes.

(By the way, an earlier version of this story was published last year as an exclusive for Medium members.)

1. Get Better Sleep

Why it Matters: You might think of sleep as an enemy of productivity. After all, people like Martha Stewart and Barack Obama each reportedly sleep less than six hours per night. But they're exceptions. The truth is, without quality sleep — and plenty of it — you won't have the energy to make good use of your time. The benefits go way beyond simple rest. Dozens of studies show that sleep reduces your risk of heart disease, diabetes, and obesity. It boosts your immune system. Sleep even improves your memory and mental performance.

What I Do: I wrote a lot about sleep in my post on becoming a morning person. Here are some of my most important habits: Avoiding caffeine after 2pm. Limiting light exposure (especially from screens) after sunset. Keeping digital devices (except an alarm clock) out of my bedroom. Living a full and active day so I'm actually tired.

How to Start: If you want to improve your sleep, start with your smartphone. Replace your bedtime smartphone habit with something you enjoy reading off-screen: a novel, magazine, comic book, etc. You'll benefit in two ways: Reducing light exposure tells your body it's bedtime, and skipping social media makes it easier to mentally wind down.

2. Walk to Work

Why it Matters: We humans are a species in motion. We evolved to thrive with near constant movement, most of it walking. So it's no surprise that walking has vast health advantages, particularly in preventing cardiovascular disease. Even Hippocrates said: "Walking is a man's best medicine." But in today's noisy world, walking is particularly valuable for the mental space it creates — time to think, meditate, or listen to music.

What I Do: When I worked at GV, I walked to the office every day. It was an easy habit to keep because it's part of everyday life, not a special activity requiring willpower, extra time, or special equipment. Nowadays, I'm living in Milwaukee—a surprisingly walkable city—but I don't have an office. Instead, I'm using daily 30-minute walks as a way to get acquainted with my neighborhood.

How to Start: Try one day a week. Pick a "walk to work" day and pair it with something fun: stopping at a great café or listening to your favorite podcast. If walking all the way to work isn't an option, try swapping out part of your commute for passage on foot (by getting off one stop early or parking far away). Even switching from driving to taking public transit can add a decent bit of walking — from home to station, transfers, station to work — to your commute. And again, if it sounds overwhelming, start with one day per week. What's important is finding a way to make walking a part of your normal life.

3. Eat Fat for Breakfast

Why it Matters: After half a century of questionable nutritional science and bad government guidelines, people are beginning to recognize again that fat is an essential and healthy part of our diets. It's our primary source of energy. It's necessary for cellular function and repair. It reduces inflammation. Fatty foods are more satisfying and keep you feeling full longer.

What I Do: Fatty foods like eggs, avocado, and fish are my breakfast mainstays. Dietary fat is important at every meal, but it's particularly good at breakfast, where it can provide a high-energy foundation for the rest of the day. A high-fat breakfast keeps me full longer and helps my mental energy.

How to Start: It doesn't take any great trick to eat more fat. But people tend to eat what's familiar and convenient, so keep fatty foods on hand and in stock. Choose restaurants that serve the rights kinds of foods — think quiche and avocado toast, not oatmeal and pancakes. And if this is a big change for your diet, start with one meal a day. Naturally, I suggest breakfast.

4. Stand Most of the Time

Why it Matters: Research on the dangers of sitting emerged around 2010, linking sedentary behavior to all sorts of health problems: heart disease, cancer, muscle degeneration, and more. While it's not exactly shocking that sitting around all day is unhealthy, doctors and other health professionals always assumed that exercise could "undo" the effects of sedentary behavior. Now, researchers no longer believe that's true. To stay healthy, you need to build frequent, low-intensity movement into your day. In addition to avoiding illness, standing improves blood flow to your brain — making you more focused, mentally sharper, and more productive.

What I Do: I've tried to make standing my default. It's a simple mindset shift that translates into all kinds of new behaviors: I use a makeshift standing desk at home; I stand up during breaks (see below); I walk most places; I carry my groceries and luggage and laundry. I still sit when I'm eating, in a meeting, watching TV, or even just taking a "sit break." But shifting my mindset from "sitting is normal" to "standing is normal" has helped me change my behavior.

How to Start: If you work at a computer, switching to a standing desk is the best change you can make. But don't try to jump from always sitting to always standing; the sudden change will cause problems of its own. If possible, use an adjustable desk, or create multiple "workstations" within your desk or office so you can switch from sitting to standing throughout the day. If this isn't possible, use your sit-down desk but look for other opportunities to move: breaks, meetings, lunch, etc. Try to get up twice an hour.

5. Take Breaks Without Screens

Why it Matters: It's awfully tempting to check Twitter or Facebook as a break from work. But these kinds of "breaks" don't renew or relax us — when we see a troubling news story or an envy-inducing photo from a friend, we feel worse, not better. Over time, social media breaks cause even bigger problems by increasing our addiction to pull-to-refresh Infinity Pools. Americans already spend an average of more than an hour on social media every day — do you really want to spend your break time on social media, too?

What I Do: I try to take breaks without screens: gaze out the window, walk around, talk to someone, or grab a snack. By keeping Infinity Pools off my phone and computer, it's easier to avoid the temptation to check social media — when I type twitter.com into Chrome and realize I'm not signed in, the habit loop is broken and I remember to step away from the screen.

How to Start: Start with a reflection on how you take breaks. For example, are you most likely to reach for your phone, load up Facebook on your computer, or something else? Then look for ways to put some friction into those bad habits. If your problem is Twitter on your smartphone, try uninstalling the app and see how it feels. If you always have Facebook open on your work computer, try signing out and closing the tab. Even a simple in-your-face reminder can help: try writing "stand up" or "look out the window" on a Post-It and stick it to your computer or desk.

6. Do a Quick but Intense Workout

Why it Matters: High-intensity interval training, or HIIT, is not just a time-saving substitute for real exercise. In fact, there's evidence that it might be better overall than "normal" exercise like running, fitness classes, or messing around with fancy equipment at the gym. In the New York Times, Gretchen Reynolds writes:

"Even a few minutes of interval-style exercise increase endurance, squelch appetite and improve metabolic and cardiovascular health in sedentary adults more effectively than traditional prolonged-endurance exercise."

Plus, because it takes as little as 5–10 minutes and requires no special equipment, a high-intensity workout is easy to make time for. You'll get all the benefits of exercise (especially combined with habits #2 and #4) without having to fit something new into your schedule.

What I Do: With a nudge from Mr Money Mustache, I adopted HIIT as a strength-building habit. Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays I complete a combination of variations on push-ups, squats, planks, lifts, and sprints to failure. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I do a stretching routine instead. And every day I walk, stand, lift, and carry — generally moving my body as much as possible.

How to Start: If you want to try HIIT at home, check out this 7-Minute Workout from the New York Times. Mark Sisson also offers a great strength workout (built around bodyweight exercises) as part of his Primal Blueprintprogram. It describes a getting-started progression for people who aren't already doing push-ups, squats, planks, lifts, and sprints. (In addition to his book, Mark offers a free PDF here with password PBFPBINTROPDFS.)

7. Do the Chores

Why it Matters: There's a lot of pressure — from clever makers of on-demand apps, and from experts on time-management and productivity (though hopefully not me) — for the modern busy person to optimize every hour of the day. The typical advice is to outsource almost everything: buying groceries, cooking food, cleaning your home, doing the laundry, shopping, organizing your closet, etc. That's nonsense.

You can't be productive all 24 hours of the day. Why not take the opportunity to move your body, rest your brain, and save some money? In other words, why not do your own chores? "Do the Chores" is a small mindset shift that makes each day more balanced and more satisfying.

What I Do: My wife and I do most of our own chores, including the aforementioned shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, and organizing — not to mention fixing things, managing our money, creating my workout program (see above), and much more. (Thanks to Mr Money Mustache for inspiring me to start this habit, too.) I'm not totally hardcore about it. But whenever possible, I try to DIY—and living on a sailboat for eight months certainly solidified the habit.

How to Start: Think of one chore you want to "insource." For the biggest impact, pick one that requires moderate physical activity, isn't super time-consuming, and doesn't take all your attention to complete. As an example, consider grocery shopping. If you normally use a delivery service like Instacart, try walking to the store, buying groceries, and carrying them home. You'll move your body, get some fresh air, and create mental space to think, listen to a podcast, or make a phone call.

When I stick to these seven habits, I have the energy to find focus, fight distraction, and make time for the people and activities that are most important to me. Time-management tactics alone aren't enough; we need to start from a foundation of good health and abundant energy. I hope you'll try adopting these habits (even just one!) and share how it makes you feel.

Have you noticed the connection between health, energy, and time? Which daily habits are important to you? Let me know by writing a response or replying on Twitter.